Stitchin’ Heaven Howdy

Hello again!
Here is the link for Step #3!

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Click here to view patterns.

This time…a few jokes for the season. Hope you have a good chuckle, and a tasty lunch, too!

Chased By A Coffin

No one seems to be holding the coffin; it’s just bumping down the street behind him.

The man is scared. He’s sure it’s following him! In an effort to shake it off, her turns a corner. To his relief, the sound stops. He keeps walking but before a minute has passed, he hears the familiar sound behind him again:

BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!

He is terrified! He starts to run towards his home, but the faster he runs, the faster the coffin bounces along behind him!

Bumpity BUMP! Bumpity BUMP! Bumpity BUMP!

He pushes open his front gate, and runs up the path, fumbling for his keys. The coffin reaches the gate and effortlessly pushes it open. It’s right behind him!!!

Finally his shaking hands manage to unlock his front door. He has no time to slam it behind him; the coffin is right on his heels! He rushes up the stairs, praying the coffin cannot climb after him.

BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!

The coffin pauses at the bottom of the stairs. The man breathes a sigh of relief but …

clappity BUMP… clappity BUMP… clappity BUMP…

The coffin is now climbing the stairs behind him. He runs to the bathroom perhaps he can lock himself in there! His heart pounds and his lungs hurt with the exertion of running for his life! He has only just latched the bathroom door when …

CRASH!!!

The coffin breaks through the bathroom door!

What can he do? The coffin is nearly upon him! He reaches out for something heavy that he can throw at the coffin, and his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of cough syrup.
Desperately, he throws the cough syrup as hard as he can at the coffin and

…………..finally the coffin stops!!

A Little Help from the Coven

There lived a man who was very unhappy because he was deeply in love with a girl who didn’t know he was alive. In desperation, he visited a coven of witches who lived nearby and presented his case before them.

Touched by his tale of woe, and impressed with the young man’s appearance, manner, and bearing, they decided to help him. They worked their magic and eventually presented the young man with several small objects that looked like capsules. “Bury these under the window of your beloved under a full moon and she will love you,” they instructed.

Doubtful, the young man resolved nevertheless to do as the witches instructed. On the very next full moon, he stealthily made his way over to his beloved’s house and carefully buried the capsules in the rich loam beneath her window. Nothing happened right away, but, trusting the wisdom of the old ladies, he went home to see what the next day would bring.

The next morning, he walked hopefully over to the girl’s house and rang her doorbell. She opened the door, saw it was him, and grabbed him.   She hugged him, kissed him, and invited him in for lunch. Their courtship was short but passionate, and within a month they were happily married.

Late one night after they had been married, the young man visited the coven again. “I just want to thank you ladies for your help. My life is everything I could have desired.”

“No problem, dearie,” said one of the old ladies. “After all, nothing says lovin’ like something from the coven, and pills buried says it best.”

A Bat Story

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to knock it off and let him get me sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

“OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

“Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.

“Yes, yes, yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

“Good,” said the first bat, “Because I DIDN’T!”

Hope you got a giggle! See you again at 1:00pm!